2 weeks post surgery

It's been 2 weeks since my gastric sleeve surgery and I've lost 20 pounds! I almost just typed "surgery" instead of "gastric sleeve", but figured being typing it here makes sense, and I want to be open and honest about this journey. (I hate when people use the word journey to describe stuff like this, but it actually seems like a perfect description.)

Anyway, surgery was 2 weeks ago -- Tuesday, May 26, 2015. Same day Sue had an important doctor appointment, but I won't go into that because it's her story to tell, not mine. I focused so much time and energy worrying about freaking out before and during surgery, and I was fine (thank you wonderful team and wonderful drugs.) But I forgot to worry about freaking out after surgery. Boy, Tuesday night wasn't pretty. The phrase "caged-animal" was used more than once. Thank God for Stacey for being such a kind, patient, understanding, amazing friend. I never could have done it without her. And Thank God for Sue. Even the nurse told Sue she couldn't have handled me without Sue!

Ever since I was a little girl Sue has provided protection and comfort, and when I was in the midst of panicking & throwing up, the only one I wanted was Sue. And she was there, rubbing my back, telling my to breath, telling me it would be ok. Love you Sue.

I was scheduled to go home on Wednesday the 27th, but developed internal bleeding so ended up staying until Friday the 29th. High red blood count and low white blood count. Constant tests, change of meds, iron pills. Trying to avoid transfusion or more surgery.

Despite the nurses constantly commenting that I had the only room in the hospital with a view of the Charles River, four nights in the hospital stinks. I think I was ok with staying Wednesday night, but think I cried Thursday when then said "one more night." (Stacey was there at this point, I think, so she can fact check me!)  

Here's what I remember from the Hospital:

1. Panic attacks. Big time. These seem to be a new thing in the past year. Annoying. Embarrassing. Jeesh.
2. Sue. Stacey. Deborah. Grace. Nancy. Marisa. I couldn't ask for more caring, wonderful, patient, supportive sisters and friends.
3. Nurses rock. Seriously. I never got it. Now I do.
4. I didn't realize how nice it was to have someone sitting there when you fall asleep and still there when you wake up. Get that now, too.
5. Oxy. Some highs, some lows. Lots of slurred words, lost memories, and crazy texts. At least I didn't drunk-text work or old boyfriends! Oxy, we are never, ever, ever getting back together.

Friday wonderful sister Nancy arrived at the Hospital to bring me home, fill and organize lots of Rxs, buy an emergency fan due to a/c not working at home, and provide general safety, TLC and back rubbing when panic attack 2 (or 3?) of the journey set in because when doctor wouldn't fill anxiety medicine. Even slept on lumpy couch listening to annoying sounds of city traffic. Today I began "eating" -- 24 ounces of water, crystal light or jello. 24 ounces of clear broth, protein shake, or yogurt. 

Saturday is really a blur. Blame it on the Oxy. I do remember Marisa visiting. Possibly Grace. Possibly Stacey. Possibly others. Yikes.

Sunday. Not pretty. Charlotte painted my toes. Jen & Bill delivered cute goodies. Grace was here. So were Stacey and Deb. Many caregivers conferenced and agreed it wasn't safe for me to stay home alone (with my friend Oxy) so sisters brought me to parents for safekeeping.

Monday. Wilmington. Joanie hurt her back, so I delivered breakfast and lunch in bed, changed her ice packs, made dinner for Franko, and began weaning off Oxy. Many crazy texts to friends.

Tuesday. One week since surgery. Lost 14 lbs -- hard to believe. In Wilmington. More ice for Joanie, though she was feeling better. Sat through a looonggg dinner and ate too much tomato soup. Horrible night trying to sleep or get comfortable.  Listened to meditation 3 times. Prayed a few times. Laid on the bathroom floor for a few hours, realized that this is what over-eating feels like (hell). Wish I could say something dramatic like I flushed the oxy this night, but we will save that scene for when Sandra Bullock plays me in 7 nights of Oxy. I took a video at 4:30am of the birds chirping and the sun coming up. Slept for a few hours, then Joanie drove me to Wellesley to meet sisters at therapy. If I can last 90 minutes in a car during rush hour traffic with Joanie on just Tylenol, I can do anything. Even worked a few hours from home.

Wednesday. Therapy with sisters and Hila. Often emotional but we always get through it.  Worked from home a few hours. Walked around condo a bit. Feel good but have a HUGE bruise on my stomach. Oh, and Jell-O is delicious!

Thursday was so nice to be home. My own bed. Worked some. Walked around some. Facetimed with Liam. Hard to get comfortable, hard to sleep. Lots of pills to manage. Thanks to Grace for visiting and taking out my trash. :) Thanks to Dave for visiting and hanging out.

Friday. Worked some. Still hard to get comfortable. Eating and drinking really doesn't seem to be a big deal with the eating/drinking. Not much nausea. Not particularly hard to swallow.

Saturday. Happy Birthday Sue! Slept 10pm - 8am. Feel like a new woman!!! Figured out that I was eating too much at one time, need to eat more often but smaller portions, and this allows me to sleep. Got my haircut. Driving and sitting so long was uncomfortable. Went to Nancy & Sue's to hang, was nice to see everyone plus Liam and doggies. Chinese Food for Sue's bday. I had miso soup, minus seaweed and tofu. I would have LOVED an eggroll or lo mein or rice -- or anything really. And man did it smell good. But I persevered. (Kept remembering dietician saying that eating ANYTHING could cause staples to burst, and I really don't want that to happen.) Came home and bought sugar free popsicles as a treat. Long way from Ben & Jerry's as a treat! Figured out that I was taking too much B-12 which was causing pain/tingling in hands which was interrupting sleep.

Sunday. DeeDee visited, so nice to just chill and talk and catch up. Then Nate and Stacey visited. Played Uno and colored and ate lunch. Took walk to Starbucks. Picked up homemade broth from Deborah, Charlotte painted my toes again (pink with silver sparkles on big toes.) Broth is soooooo yummy!!! Overdid it a bit yesterday driving, haircut, in Medfield so one of my incisions is sore. Feels good if I put a little pressure on it. Washed to make sure wasn't infected. Went to CVS to get supplies, talked to pharmacist who looked at it, said it looked fine, recommended tying long-sleeve shirt around my waist to provide a bit of compression. Felt really good! DeeDee is worried I might lose so much weight I won't stop  -- ha ha!

Monday. 20 lbs down! Haven't weighed this in 2 years. Feels hard to believe that I've lost that much. Worked all day from home. Feel really good. Still a little bit hard to sit for long time so kept shirt tied. Worked from couch with legs extended. I am HUNGRY today. HUNGRY. Not head hunger, but stomach hunger. I swear my stomach is growling. Is that possible? I honestly don't know. Tomorrow is nutrition group where I'll find out what I can eat in next stage, so that will be interesting. I want a piece of chicken, scrambled eggs, mashed potatoes, spinach soufflé -- just something semi-real. (Wouldn't mind a muffin either.) Friday I get stitches out (assuming everything is ok.)

My bathroom floor revelation of this week is how amazing the body is. Two weeks ago I was high as a kite and bleeding internally, panicking and puking and miserable. One week ago I was laying on the bathroom floor miserable and had a bruise the size of a man's foot on my stomach. Today, my bruise is practically gone, I'm going to bed in a few minutes and going to work tomorrow, and feeling pretty darn good. 

Ok, so that's a recap of the past 2 weeks. All posts won't be this long, promise. I think writing this will help me focus on my goal, my journey (ha ha), my progress. And hopefully when I don't feel as good or positive as I do, re-reading this will help get me through. 

I am not doing the classic "before" photos. And you probably won't see my stomach again. Maybe you'll see some photos this summer, we'll see. I'm really not focusing on how I look, but instead how I feel in my body, in my clothes, and in my head.

P.S. It is 10:15, my stomach was rumbling, I had 5 bites of sf pudding, feel good. I guess this is what it is like when people share a pint of Ben & Jerry's, or God forbid eat 1/2 and put the rest back!